oliviaworks

Is compromise necessary in relationships ?

2011-07-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

A friend and some clients recently got me thinking about compromise in relationships. Should we compromise or not? Does compromise only ever chip away at who you are until you’ve created a false persona to fit the likes and needs of the other? Or does compromise in it’s healthy light (and does this even exist?) allow for two people to respect each others needs and work through problems? I compromised less in my last relationship than any before (I believe!) and yet on reflection I’m able to notice a few biggies.

One was my more fiery side, the sun in Leo, the bit that kinda likes to do what it wants when it wants (yes, princess syndrome!) be loud or quiet, serious or playful. It wasn’t that I didn’t express this side, it was just that I toned it down on occasions when I knew he wasn’t in the mood for it, and of course over time this led to some suppression. In the end I wonder if it really was necessary or helpful. I felt like I was holding in who I was wanting to be like a breath that gets stuck at the back of your throat, and as a result he didn’t get to experience the truth of who I was in that moment.

I’ve also been wondering if compromise essentially feeds the other persons issues, projections, ego, Eckhart Tolle’s ‘pain body’; which again seems a disservice to both parties. When I remember to connect into consciousness and look at this question, I sense that one area not to compromise is the voice of my soul. My experience is that compromise is not even a question when coming from this light, there is nothing to fight against and thus compromise does not exist in the first place; in these times I feel connected to oneness and from a space beyond my mind, I find my words and actions come from my soul, my love for being part of universal oneness, trusting in my knowing that whatever happens, it is perfect in that moment.

In essence

Is compromise ever needed or healthy?
What does healthy compramise look like?
I feel I’m moving further away from wanting, needing acceptance or compromise in my life – could be an interesting experiment...will let you know the findings!!

Embracing the Feminine in our Yoga Practice

2011-07-25T07:17:00.001-07:00

I was asked by a number of my yoga students why my classes felt different to a lot of the yoga they were used to and on reflection I realised it was because my style draws a lot on feminine principles... This led me to writing the below piece which I then shared with my students (also can be found on my website at http://www.oliviaworks.co.uk/index.php/yoga/22).

"It is important to restore the essential balance in the world between the masculine and feminine energies. The bird of humanity cannot fly with one wing” Vivekananda

A lot of the world we live in is masculine and this is also reflected in the yoga on offer, which traditionally has a strong masculine slant.

There is a growing movement for balance - both internally and in the world around us. Integrating a feminine yoga practice is a way of redressing this balance through the mind, body, spirit and then through our inner and outer worlds.

My classes combine a masculine and feminine approach to yoga asana and pranayama to help redress that balance in all areas of your life.

Yoga is more than just exercise, it impacts all areas of our lives and so the benefit of having a balanced masculine and feminine yoga practice can also be seen in our everyday and working lives, bringing this balance off our yoga mats and into these areas – which is great news for the world of work for example, which has traditionally been more masculine.

A little more depth about the Feminine Style of Yoga

The concept of feminine yoga may seem unusual or unfamiliar, especially to those who do quite a bit of yoga. Why? Because largely speaking, yoga asana (asana being the poses we do) has a very masculine slant, the most simplistic reason for this being that the yogis who devised the path of yoga where men, designing it for the spiritual evolvement of men. It’s not that women were not welcome in the yoga world, they just weren’t at its hub in its time of creation in many ways.

A little nugget for those who enjoy history... Krishnamacharya, was one of the first Indians (in modern times) to teach women yoga, due to his fear that yoga would die out if left to the men who had business on their minds more than the practice of yoga (1888-1989).

These days, women are very much in the world of yoga – in fact you could say the vast majority of yogi’s in the west are women. And so, it makes sense that it was only a matter of time before a more feminine style of yoga came through, to honour all the women practicing yoga asana, as well as to create more of a balance of yin and yang, masculine and feminine.

It is interesting to see the rise of more feminine approaches to yoga as well as teachers looking to incorporate a balance of both the masculine and feminine / yin and yang, my sense is that this trend will only continue to rise.

So how do you spot feminine yoga VS masculine yoga?

The main thing to remember is that whether man or women, boy or girl, we all need both of these styles of yoga to maintain a healthy yoga practice, just as we need both the masculine and feminine in all areas of our lives to remain balanced.

Feminine Approach to Yoga	Masculine Approach to Yoga
Creative Explorative: enjoying the journey (instead of end goal/ final asana/pose). Softer movements e.g. soft bent elbows. Pulsing, moving with the ebb and flow of breath, body and inner fluids Breath intuitively guiding the bodies movement Dynamic flow in and out of asanas Intuitive spontaneous movement Circular, spiralling movements, hip circles – keeping the pelvis active. Spinal focus, through spinal rocking, shaking and vibrating movements Practicing for the fun of it	Precision and focus on alignment Structured practice Logical class structure Goal-oriented – want to be able to achieve certain pose, increase flexibility etc Linear-thinking – and linear movement e.g. straight arms and movement Bandhas – locks in which you keep the breath / prana, within the body Strong breathing (pranayama) practices for a specific means Holding a pose in a strong static way Power, control and strength
Feminine Styles in circulation:	Classic Masculine Yoga Styles:
Scaravelli Angela Farmer Mark Whitwell Shiva Rea Yin Yoga Shakti Yoga Kundalini Yog	Bikram Iyengar Ashtanga Power Yoga

A new home and another use for Crystals

2011-06-01T14:39:00.001-07:00

It's been an incredible few months. My boyfriend Jack and I moved out of our shared house meaning to move straight into another flat in Clapham. The intelligence of the world had other ideas and installed a roof leak and prolonged building works to the said flat in Clapham. The long and short of it being that 2 months later we moved into a new flat in Teddington having stayed first with my father, then my sister and then my mother. It was like doing a detour back through my childhood before winning the prize of taking the next step, the next step being moving in with the boyfriend...and no one else. No more flatmates, just us.

My philosophy is that nothing happens without greater meaning, and I was trying to work out what the greater meaning of this long extended, exceedingly drawn out and frustratingly prolonged flat move was all about. First I thought it was something like the Charles Dickens 3 ghosts of Christmas past, where I was being asked to look at the unresolved issues each family member brought up. Only that wasn't really happening.

What was happening was two things, the first and most obvious was that I was handling the situation somewhat badly...in other words I got really stroppy...a lot. So much so Jack's colleagues who were born to banter, didn't dare in my presence, instead turning the banter down into something more akin to kindness and empathy. And that prior to the last move to mother's (at this point I didn't realise we would need to), I phoned her at breaking point gushing that I had to offload immediately as an upmost emergency in order to stop myself stressing yet again at Jack. My main fear being that if I continued to lie on the carpet and deliver my woes solely to his ears, we would not be moving in together, ever. Mum was ever the saint and saviour, making an emergency date...in the pub where much food and wine was put before me and total permission to rant. It was perfect and restored order to my world; and Jack's for that matter.

The second thing was the reason causing the first thing, I had only realised in the year leading up to this move how much I wanted, needed and valued having a home, a base, a nest. Having realised this need and made efforts to meet it, the removal of it for what felt like an indefinite period of time felt like torture. On reflection, it turned out that I had moved 7 times in 2 years and had not lived anywhere longer than 11 months in 10 years so it was no wonder that I had a bit of a sore spot when it came to being and feeling unsettled.

The good news is that we moved in this weekend, on the day I returned from a fab fab fab holiday to Mexico with my sister. No sleep on a night flight combined with a full day moving into a new flat is certainly an interesting way to deal with imminent jet lag but it was sooooooooooooo worth it. I'm thrilled, we both are.

And the crystals? Well, I love my crystals and so have them all over the house. By the door I have some to help keep out negativity amongst other things and I mentioned this to a client of mine who knew I'd just moved in. She fell about laughing saying a better use for their keeping out negativity would be to throw the crystals at the heads of intruders. J

What pearls of wisdom have I taken from this?

Share the load (of moans and groans) with more than 1 person...and try to include at least one person of the same sex.
I really value having a home...and I love the support, stability and nurturing that it can provide.
Trust. Everything falls into place when I remember this one.

The unexpected – by Olivia Flaxman

2010-08-19T02:08:00.001-07:00

Today I led a meditation session for a company and was surprised by the results of one of the meditation exercises. The results where surprising as they did not reflect my 'expectations' for the exercise. It reminded me of how everything has a perfect flow, that we cannot dictate nor determine the results in life and to expect the unexpected.

It amazes me that despite knowing better than to set an expectation, given that and in somewhat hard core phraseology 'expectation is the mother of all evil' (extreme yet to the point!) I still find myself setting them. In this process I find myself laughing as I see life unfold exactly how it chooses leaving my expectations to the side like discarded food scraps. Aware as I am of meeting the ever changing and flowing needs of a group of people, I take care when designing sessions to allow space for the participants individual processes to come to the fore and be honoured and explored. Whilst creating my meditation sessions, I give myself additional freedoms to my already free flowing style of session creation and allow the content, readings, themes and exercises to come to me of their own accord in the weeks and days leading up to the session. To knit the session together before delivery, I then sit in a state of deep relaxation and meditate on what the group most needs and make adjustments accordingly. Despite using a meditative approach of tuning into the needs of the group I realised today that I still had a desired outcome in mind. I had still allowed my mind to create a structure to take the group on a specific journey with a specific end. In reality the journey they went on was somewhat different from what I imagined. I feel grateful for two insights that came from this experience, 1) to have met this supremely clever trick within my mind that lets me believe I am creating a session that holds no expectations, whilst this is not actually the case 2) that whilst I am delivering a session that then takes its own journey instead of 'my one' I am able to roll with it, with very little attachment to my original 'plan'.

Learning to work in flow, giving true value, without gentle manipulations is a fascinating and subtle journey in self-awareness in communication.

Bring it on!

The Fear of Change – by Olivia Flaxman

2010-05-11T13:21:00.001-07:00

It was remarked during a chance encounter yesterday that "the moment we decide something, it becomes static and then 'it' becomes the problem" and this got me thinking - about change as a universal law of nature.

How often do we hear statements likened to "these are times of change we live in"? I wish to question this, to pull it up for examination, for surely the reality is that we are always living in times of change; it is impossible to live in anything but. The universal laws of nature dictate that in every moment of existence everything is in constant motion; just as the clouds are always moving, so is every cell, every molecule inside of us, even an oak table is made up slowly moving dense energy. Our thoughts too, are changing from one moment to the next, granted they may be repetitive, however they are in constant flux, as many of us know only too well, as our thoughts excessively dart around within our minds. Emotions, feelings, time, the list goes on and on. So what is this fascination with change all about? Our politicians like to cry out from the roof tops about it, "we stand for change, we shall bring great new change", well yes one could say, of course you will, in fact you'd be hard pushed to prevent it seeing as it's a scientific universal given. Yet within this strange parody lies the problem. As a society, perhaps as a world society, we are fighting one giant loosing battle, fighting a law of nature - we are hypercritically trying to fix things down and prevent change whilst at the same time promote ourselves as being open to it.

Why? Fear. Change is scary, it is unsettling, it means things are outside of our control, it challenges our sense of security, it opens the realm of the unknown, it threatens to remove power from those who have it. Yet it is also known that it is necessary for growth to happen. Biologically we call it evolution, technologically we call it invention, culturally we call it progress, businesses could call it market trend. Change brings great strength/health/growth, preventing change creates weakness/sickness/death. The change that is evolution creates strong races and plant life, the survival of the fittest kicks in and ensures this is so. When this is prevented e.g inbred communities, sickness, deformity and the such can ensue. We didn't create electricity through sticking with candle light, nor solar panels through sticking with non-renewable resources. M&S turned a flagging business back around by responding to the changing market needs, the Virgin brand embraces change and the risk change presents and has grown as a result of this.

It seems whilst the world at large and individuals know that change is good we continue to fight it. Politics knows change is needed, yet is terrified to let go of the system that keeps it in power, the system that seemingly keeps things in order and so whilst the worlds political and economic structure is crumpling, superficial changes are being shuffled around the edges in an attempt to satisfy who? The public? The universal laws of nature? It is certain that the latter will not be fooled and will ensure deep change whether it is requested or not. As individuals do we not also operate similar superficial attempts at change? We buy new clothes to create a new image, we stop smoking by shifting our addiction onto drinking more coffee or an exercise routine, we see faults in our relationships and expect the other person to change.

Small changes can certainly help get the ball rolling, however, if they serve only to protect, procrastinate and prevent the deeper change of that which has become old, stagnant, out of date, fixed and rigid then it is only disservice that is being done. The energy of keeping things fixed is so much more than allowing the movement of change. Maintaining the job you no longer want yet pays the mortgage, the friendship that has died, the guilt of family duties all take so much emotion and energy (including financial) and often refusal to really deal with the changes required at a core level often result in stress, the loss of something, physical ill health etc. In a business or politics the same thing can happen, core changes are not made and the results can lead to relational, structural, financial strains and stresses and in the worst instances they collapse or go bust.

Yes, at times deep change can seem like you are detonating the tower you have so carefully built and is now falling in pieces around and on top of your head – and it can feel both terrifying and insane to willingly allow such change. However, not to allow this is to argue with reality, the reality that everything is constantly changing and must be allowed to change, not forced into static structures and patterns, and as Byron Katie would say, when you argue with reality you loose, but only 100% of the time! And as evolution, technology, cultural progress, personal development and business all show, change allows for the weakness to fall away and allows for great success and great strength to be birthed in its place.

Olivia Flaxman
www.oliviaworks.co.uk
Personal Coach & Workshop Facilitator

Theta Healing with oliviaworks

2010-04-30T05:39:00.001-07:00

Theta Healing - fast, powerful and transformative technique that gets to the source of an issue, whether physical, emotional, mental or spiritual and allows miraculous healing and resolution.

It is my belief that we are not broken and do not need fixing, we are each here experience a unique set of challenges and talents, the journey of self-discovery is a journey with NO ENDING and it is not for an Ending that I see the benefit in Theta Healing. The benefit of Theta Healing is that as we become aware of a challenge or belief, a part of our journey may be to resolve what we have become aware of and so having wonderful tools at our disposal such as Theta Healing can be incredible in our ability to take self-responsible efforts in our healing, growth and conscious development. And once we have taken steps of healing, resolving, accepting what is in our life, we are then ready for the next step, the next challenge. Thus it comes full circle, for of course, once we have resolved one thing and enjoy the gifts this brings, we are then better able to see our next challenge...and search for the best way to resolve it. It may be that Theta Healing can help you with many steps on your journey, it is certainly powerfully effective. Of course it is just one way, and when you ask within you will know if it is what your soul is asking for in each instance and challenge you become aware of.

What happens in a Theta Healing Session?
As your practitioner, the initial part of the session will involve tuning into what work is needed in order to resolve the issues you are experiencing. The Theta brainwave must be accessed for the healing to work, this is achieved by lowering my brainwave to Theta and then connecting to your energy through the heightened intuition of the Theta state. In order to confirm which issues are to be resolved, I may muscle test you, this is a highly effective way of working with your subconscious to check which negative beliefs, feelings and programmes are present within you, so that we can then start releasing them and replacing them with positive and empowering ones.

What are the 5 Brain Wave States?

Beta brain wave state is the normal state when going about daily activities. Most people spend most of their time in this state.

Alpha brain wave state is a state of relaxation. If you close your eyes and relax, imagine or daydream then you are likely to be in alpha brain wave. This is the state in the early stages of meditation. Many healers e.g. Reiki healers are in alpha brain wave when healing.

**Theta brain wave is the one we are really interested in. This is a state of deep meditation, of dream state sleep, just before sleeping and just after waking and that achieved in hypnosis. Theta brain wave state allows us to access the link between the conscious and the subconscious part of the mind. It is in this state whilst being conscious that Theta Healers are able to connect to the Source energy of the Universe and witness miracle healing.

Delta brain wave is one of deep sleep.

**Gamma brain wave is the fastest of the brain waves and is when in a state of high mental activity e.g. whilst learning.

Theta Healers alternate between the Theta and Gamma brain wave state when working with clients and are trained to access the Theta Brain Wave state in a couple of seconds. Scientific tests have proven that Theta Healers are in this state during Theta Healings.

How many sessions will I need?
In short it is unique to each and every client. The wonderful thing about Theta Healing is that it is so incredibly fast, in fact it is considered one of the fastest healing techniques currently available. As such, many problems can be worked upon in one session with wonderful results and resolution. The nature of the technique is outstanding and when a core belief is hit upon, huge shifts can take place from one session. Sometimes, issues are more complex and require a couple of sessions to work through the many facets that come to light during the work. In either case, clients always leave a session with a lighter load of negative beliefs and feelings and most often experience noticeable positive transformation as a result of each session.

What preparations are needed for a Theta Healing Session?
Being fully hydrated! No need to have the caffeine police round, just be mindful!! e.g. lot's of water and aim to keep your caffeine/alcohol intake down before the session. The reason behind the full hydration requirement is for muscle testing. The clarity and strength of muscle testing is greatly dependent upon your how hydrated the body and thus muscles are.

Being clear about the issue you want to work on and knowing how it is currently affecting you, along with attending the session with a desire and openness to making positive changes also adds great depth and benefits to the session, often allowing changes to be made more effortlessly (don't worry if you are unable to create this state, often this inability can be part of the reason a client seeks out a session in the first place!).

If you are interested in having a theta healing session, please get in touch or go to my website: www.oliviaworks.co.uk/index.php/services/25-theta-healing-

Wholeness

2010-01-22T16:39:00.001-08:00

When I encountered the concept of oneness through reading Eckhart Tolle's, "The Power of Now", I had one of those sought after 'light bulb' moments. It was just that though, a flashing moment, it has taken a while to go from the occasional sporadic flash, to staying brightly lit on a more permanent basis. Recently an experience unfolded that has challenged the stability of electrical connection to this light bulb (rather chuffed with this metaphor) and it seems the connection is both stable and well earthed. Let me explain!

The dictionary defines oneness as a 'quality or state of being one; wholeness', or 'a condition of perfect harmony'. As a person, I am whole. Is this true? I didn't used to believe so, in fact I think I probably thought I was in pieces, or missing bits and that other people could help patch me up and make me complete, whole. This was certainly true in two main areas of my life, 1) that finding the perfect career/ job would fulfil me and make me happy, 2) that finding a partner that 'fit' me would 'complete' me...fulfil me and make me happy... you get the theme.

The more I looked into oneness, did practices such as yoga and meditation, the more self-aware I became and I started to feel a shift. In this context, there were two main parts to this shift:

Firstly, I started to feel connected to things more. This actually has quite a bit of science behind it of which I shall give you a taster, if this intrigues you then I recommend Deepak Chopra for further reading. That we are all made up of energy is something scientists have granted as fact, that we are all made up of the same energy, is also now taken as fact. A table has a denser energetic vibration than a human body, the human body has a denser vibration than a cloud, a cloud has a denser vibration than air etc. The point being, that we are all energy, constantly changing and interchanging, never static... and yes, this does mean that teeny tiny energy molecules of clouds and tables can change vibrational density and end up as part of us, in our liver or kidneys for example, before they continue their journey into your television screen, or a banana... For those reading this with a sceptically raised eyebrow and frown on their forehead may I refer you also, to a brain such as Mr Chopra's.

"every moment you're actually changing your body, reshuffling, exchanging its atoms and molecules with the rest of the universe, and you're doing it faster than you can change your clothes. In fact the bodies, which you're using right now to sit on the chairs, are not the bodies that you came into this room with a little while ago." Walt Whitman wrote: "Every atom that belongs to you as well belongs to me." And this is not a poetic metaphor, it's a fact. So if you think you are your material body, you certainly have a bit of a problem: Which one are you speaking of?" Deepak Chopra

So why is this important? Because we are ALL interconnected (and ALL includes everything you can and can't see, touch and smell), we are all made up of the same stuff....'matter', 'particles', thus we are ALL one. There is a oneness a wholeness that we are all part of. It is only determination to feel separate that seems to cause suffering, a sense of being incomplete.

Secondly, I took on the advice of a friend who very wisely looked at me and firmly said, 'you're very good at Doing, now why don't you just try Being'. Huh I thought. Good point though. And so I embarked upon becoming more present, 'stopped' more often, took my time whilst walking to the station or making breakfast, learnt to watch my thoughts instead of reacting to them without even realising that's what I was doing (fyi – I'm no saint and most certainly still do this!). The results of just Being were these; I could feel a space inside of me, a space that felt full instead of empty, although that made no logical sense. This space was more profound than a favourite novel, yet so subtle. I know it as my core, my natural state of Being, some would call it the soul. In it, I feel only peace, love and joy. Now this may sound beautiful to some of you and damned sickly to others! If you're from the latter category then I totally understand, as I used to feel cringy and like grabbing a bucket. For myself, it appears a large amount of the bucket syndrome was a result of resistance from my ego to letting go of its strong hold and allowing me to have a more meaningful life. To the chagrin of some I have now semi-joined the 'fluffy gang' (which incidentally can make a wonderful way to get reactions out of people!). For those more hard core bucket syndrome-ers, can I suggest John C. Parkin, whose book (same delicate title as the following catch phrase), suggests that saying 'Fuck It' can get you to the same place yet with seriously non-fluffy language.

Accessing this state of oneness, of Being, I realised I need nothing, for I have everything right in this moment. Now this is a full on statement. I need nothing. Until I felt my connectedness to All things, my connectedness to my Being, it not only made no sense, it sounded far-fetched and naive. What about shelter, food, love, clothes, money... in fact who am I kidding, nice shelter, nice clothes and nice food and lots of money etc!

Both Eckhart Tolle's and Byron Katie's work helped me enormously in truly accepting this distinction between need and want. Through truly accepting whatever thought, feeling or emotion that arose, not pushing them to the side, resisting or denying them I was able to come to joyful acceptance of what is. What the reality is. For it brought me more into my Being where the only experience is connectedness, wholeness, joy, love and peacefulness. In this place of Being nothing is needed. That does not mean I don't Want something however! The difference being that my Wanting something is no longer a desperate attempt for me to create happiness and meaning and wholeness, for I am already that. If something I Want comes into my life, it may well add to my experiences, yet the absence of something I Want not being in my life does not detract from who I am or my experience of life. Again, I repeat myself (I know!) this is because I am already whole.

As with so many lessons and learning's, it often goes in my experience at least, that situations will present themselves to help deepen the learning, or humble what you think you have learnt!

I am using my experience and understanding of wholeness, oneness, acceptance and surrender in my work with others. It is therefore fitting that I am currently going through a set of experiences that put this to the test. Does this 'wholeness, oneness, acceptance, joy, peace, love stuff' still hold when the thing I would be the most unwilling to let go of, needs just that, to be let go of. In this case a relationship. A beautiful and loving relationship. I look back at past experiences where relationships have changed, due to falling out, distance in location, growing apart, breaking up and death and recall how so often I experienced suffering, hurt, blame, hope, anger, loneliness and the feeling that something of myself has died or was missing. In this current experience I still experience some of these emotions/ thoughts, however, there is a marked, humongous and wonderful difference. I know these emotions and thoughts are not my Being, they are not Me. They are only my ego. I can step back and watch them surface, allow them to be expressed whilst remaining connected to my Being, my Core. I do not feel the emptiness, the loss of a part of myself. I still feel and know my wholeness to be true. In fact, the more I am able to surrender to the thoughts and emotions that arise, the more connected to All I feel.

Sure I am still taken off-guard, in some moments more than others and here I am able to smile as I recall something a friend said once and I have subsequently adopted as an automatic mantra when I require self-forgiveness, 'you're not Gandhi' – by which she meant, for those requiring translation, 'get over yourself, you are doing amazingly well, both for where you are at and with the tools you currently have and as yet you're not enlightened don't go getting all OTT about being perfect etc etc'!!

There is one last aspect I would like to share regarding my current experience – of letting go of a relationship. When my thoughts or feelings rise up and start to play out stories such as 'what if...' or 'why can't it be this way instead' and I identify with them or allow myself to momentarily be lost in them, I instinctively want to hold back on loving this person, like a reflex defence mechanism. Yet when I connect with my core, my Being, I know that all I have is love for this person and that in withholding my love for them I am inflicting unnecessary hurt and suffering upon myself instead.

This is because I am withholding love from myself, through denying the natural state of my Being, my Core, which is the energetic vibration of love, joy and peace and by refusing to allow my love for anything, anyone, I am creating a separation in my Being and my connection to Oneness.

This experience has illustrated to me very clearly how the traditional games we often play such as holding back love or communication are pointless and only serve to create separation with myself and cause unnecessary suffering. I love and so I share my love, I do not need to receive anything in return and do not ask for anything in return. The unsurprising twist to this is that even in my letting them go, I have gained much. Returning to the concept of oneness, there is also peace in the knowledge that we are still and always will be connected, for we are all interconnected.

I need no thing, I need no other as I am happy in and of myself, myBeing. Yet I want to share my Being, my wholeness...as it is fun to do so! It adds magic to my life experience.

I am whole...what about you?!